Scandals

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The Gallant Few Podcast – Recency bias here – Guy who’s just left my work has bumped the lottery syndicate. Said folk will get their money a week after he left, didn’t pay and said it went towards paying for a funeral. Week after that he came clean and said he spent it on a night out.

Mr Smiley Face – Not Watergate, not Clinton’s spunky trousers, Boris’s party or even Mo Johnston, biggest scandal is the FREDDO, quick google search and take a deep dive into the wee green guy, prices go up, weight comes down, even the ill fated Taz bar, was rebranded as FREDDO caramel

Fraser – My mate shops at Tesco but refuses to get a club card so pays full price like the prick he is.

Jack Mair – the Darvel tree thief scandal 2021. My mate had one of his trees stolen from his front door late.Determined to find out who a full on manhunt was launched in the village. The ring doorbell was on full record in case the thief came back if a budgie farts he’d know. After the video he followed the guy home where the other tree was found. AYE NICE PLANT MATE WHERED YOU GET THAT FUCKER!

Finlay – Around two years ago, there was a story on the local East Kilbride page about a wee jack Russell that got left outside of sainsbury’s and had to be taken away by the RSPCA. Everyone was raging, as you would be at some ignorant bastard leaving their dog outside……following this, a lady responded to the post very upset stating that the dog was her dad’s and that he had dementia. She said he had taken a turn whilst in Sainsbury’s and had to be taken away in an ambulance. Apologies ensued, everyone feeling very guilty about the abuse……the lady who responded then said that her dad had unfortunately passed away as a result of the funny turn. Everyone feels even guiltier.

A few days later, they had then said that the RSPCA had to put the dog down in a big emotional post stating that Carlito the dog would be……sorely missed. The residents of East Kilbride then felt so guilty, they set up a GoFundMe to help the family get over the story. The Scottish sun then picked up the story and wrote a feel good article about how the community had come together. However, all was not as it……seemed. It turns out the photo of Carlito the Jack Russell was a stock photo. It turns out the whole thing was an elaborate wind up by the admins of the Facebook group. The only true part of the story was that a Jack Russell was taken away. Admins of the page had the police..…phoned on them, Facebook accounts banned, and the community was absolutely raging. 10/10 wind up, the entire thing was hilarious from start to finish

Lewis Wardrobe – A few years ago on my local village Facebook page during a snowy winter, a post went up from an angry mother, trying to find a thief who stole their wee boy’s snowman from the front garden. Amongst the replies from other people in the village, was a ransom note from the thief…

Someone set up an account under the guise “snowman thief” and started sending photos of the snowman saying that it wouldn’t be harmed if they handed over money. When the mother told them to piss off, they sent pictures of the snowman minus the carrot nose, stone eyes etc… Once the mother continued to send more angry replies, the thief then posted a video smashing the snowman to bits with a cricket bat. The thief hid his face with a scarf and hat. Still to this day the Kingskettle community page doesn’t know the identity of the snowman murder

Scandal is a TV show by Shonda Rhimes – who also does Grey’s Anatomy.

Politics/The Government etc.

Heath secretary Matt Hancock snogging a government advisor in the office in the middle of lockdown is up there.

John Prescott getting egged and subsequently chinning the guy?

The time HMRC took McVities to court over whether Jaffa cakes are cakes (and exempt from VAT) or biscuits (and not exempt from VAT), and McVities baked a giant Jaffa Cake for the court. Court ruled that Jaffa cakes are cakes because cakes are soft and go hard when gone off, and biscuits are hard and go soft when gone off. And Jaffa cakes are soft and go hard when gone off.

Our Prime Minister had a sordid history of running through fields of wheat.

Not so much a scandal but teenagers being so upset Take That broke up, the government stepped in and set up helplines

I personally quite like the one when Gordon Brown got mad on mic about being matched with the bigoted lady and had to apologise for pointing out that she was a bigot.

I quite liked it when David Cameron had to stand up in Parliament and go, “No, I don’t hate Larry the cat – look at this totally candid photo of us together”. Similarly: when the Blairs got rid of the cat that was round no. 10 at the time, and they had to bring some journalists round the new owners’ house to prove they didn’t kill it.

Dominic Cummings and that drive during lockdown to ‘test his eyesight’!

Was it Ed Miliband who tried to eat a bacon sandwich and looked like a twat?

A few decades ago, but Jeremy Thorpe, the Liberal Party leader with a very colourful  life, known among other things for killing a dog.

  • The true story of the first British politician to stand trial for conspiracy to murder was featured in the 2018 miniseries starring Hugh Grant and Ben Whishaw. Jeremy Thorpe was the stylish and charismatic Liberal party leader, desperate to hide a previous affair with Norman Scott, a stable hand he met while visiting a friend in 1961. When Scott refused to stop contacting Thorpe after the married MP ended their relationship, Thorpe allegedly paid to have his former lover killed.
  • The October 1975 attempt on Scott failed, though his beloved Great Dane Rinka was shot. Scott publicly accused Thorpe, who was forced to resign as leader of his party in May 1976. But the resignation did not end the scandal, which dragged on in the press and ultimately in the courts, with Thorpe becoming the first sitting MP to stand trial for murder in May 1979.  While Thorpe was ultimately acquitted, the scandal ended his political career.

Or a minister in the Labour government of the 70s, John Stonehouse, who faked his suicide (leaving all his clothes on a beach) to escape criminal charges and start a new secret life in Australia

  • Even among British political scandals the story of John Stonehouse is a standout.  Stonehouse was a former Labour cabinet minister who fell into financial trouble and came under investigation by the Department of Trade and Industry. Rather than face prosecution, he allegedly deposited his clothes on a beach in Miami, Florida to leave the impression that he had drowned.
  • As Miami police investigated his apparent demise, Stonehouse and his secretary fled to Australia to start a new life under assumed names. The pair lasted only a month before being discovered by chance. They were eventually deported to England where Stonehouse would stand trial in 1976 for fraud, theft and forgery. Remarkably, Stonehouse refused to relinquish his parliamentary seat after his “resurrection” and sat in parliament until conducting his own defence. He was convicted, served time in prison, and eventually wed his secretary.

“Great” British Scandals

The Who Wants To Be A Millionaire coughing scandal – Charles Ingram

Horse Meat Scandal. Although horse meat is generally fine to eat, people didn’t like not knowing what was in their burgers. Also, some of the horse meat came from racehorses, and racehorse meat is not good to eat because of all the chemicals that they give to racehorses.

Nasty Nick trying to cheat on Big Brother

Boaty McBoatface/RRS sir David Attenborough. The will of the people was not obeyed. An absolute mockery of the democratic process.

Remember when Jamie Oliver went on a bender against unhealthy food? He told a classroom full of primary school kids exactly what went into chicken nuggets, and then asked them who would still eat chicken nuggets. The full class raised their hands, and he looked like a broken man.

What about that woman who threw her cat in the bin?

When Coco Pops became Choco Krispies and then back again

When KFC changed delivery supplier and ran out of chicken

Prince Charles phone call with Camilla where he said he wished he was her tampon

  • CHARLES: Oh stop! I want to feel my way along you, all over you and up and down you and in and out . . .
  • CAMILLA: Oh!
  • CHARLES: Particularly in and out.
  • CAMILLA: Oh, that’s just what I need at the moment.
  • CHARLES: Is it?

Then – in an idea that they probably both still wake up in a cold sweat about even now – they went…even deeper:

  • CHARLES: Oh, God. I’ll just live inside your trousers or something. It would be much easier!
  • CAMILLA: (laughing) What are you going to turn into, a pair of knickers? (Both laugh). Oh, you’re going to come back as a pair of knickers.
  • CHARLES: Or, God forbid, a Tampax. Just my luck! (Laughs)
  • CAMILLA: You are a complete idiot! (Laughs) Oh, what a wonderful idea

Johnathan Ross and Russel Brand leaving offensive voicemails for the bloke who played Manuel in Fawlty Towers was quite a bizarre scandal.

  • After being unable to reach Sachs on his home telephone, Brand and his co-host of the week, fellow Radio 2 DJ Jonathan Ross, left Sachs four voice messages. In the first message, Brand joked about Fawlty Towers and the fact that both he and Sachs had appeared in The Bill, but was interrupted by Ross shouting out “he fucked your granddaughter”. The rest of the message and the following three messages were all characterised by Brand and Ross attempting to apologise for Ross’s outburst, but each quickly descended into farce; for example, Brand sang to Sachs: “It was consensual and she wasn’t menstrual”, and Ross asked to marry him. Brand later said that listening to those calls is like hearing “two idiots dancing towards a canyon”; however, no complaints were received

What about canoe man? The John Darwin disappearance case was an investigation into the faked death of the British former teacher and prison officer John Darwin. Darwin turned up alive in December 2007, five years after he was believed to have died in a canoeing accident.

Everyone is forgetting the ultimate British scandal: That time Hartlepool got together to hang a chimp, the animal had been washed ashore after a ship sank and the locals just assumed he was a Frenchman. They of course did the only logical thing when one finds a rogue Frenchman and hanged him

Bristol zoo car park man! Zoo thought he worked for the council, the council thought he worked for the zoo. He collected parking fares for 20 something years then just disappeared one day! Genius lol

Parents passing burgers through the fence at a Maltby (also south Yorkshire) in response to healthy eating initiatives in school. Not sure if it’s a scandal scandal but it’s definitely not a great look

Does anyone else remember that poor kid, Shannon Matthews? Her family literally faked her kidnapping for a bit of pity cash.

Piers Morgan being sacked from The Mirror for faking soldier torture photos. 

Not a scandal, but Brian Harvey gorging on jacket potatoes and then managing to drive over his own head never fails to make me laugh.

Massive corruption

25 Corruption Scandals That Shook The World

  • Did you know that certain bribes paid abroad were technically tax deductible for German companies until 1999? They could simply categorise them as “useful expenditures”
  • Imagine having to pay a bribe to keep your job. Chechens have to do exactly that, every month. In Chechnya, everyone earning a wage pays an unofficial tax to an opaque fund controlled by the head of the republic, Ramzan Kadyrov.
  • There are no Big Macs in Tunisia. That’s because the McDonald’s franchise was awarded to a business that didn’t have connections to the ruling family and the government stopped the fast food chain from entering the country.
  • A golf course, ostrich farm, private zoo and full-size Spanish galleon replica were just some of the attractions at Mezhyhirya, the multimillion dollar 137-hectare estate of Ukraine’s former President Viktor Yanukovych.According to a recent study, more than one-fifth of Russia’s population lives in poverty, while 36 per cent are at risk of poverty. The Russian Laundromat, a massive money laundering scheme that syphoned off somewhere between US$20-80 billion in fraudulent funds away from public services and the citizens who need them most, could be one of the reasons why.
  • Following a huge leak from the Panamanian law firm, Mossack Fonseca, the Panama Papers exposed the darkest secrets of the financial secrecy industry. The Panama Papers showed that Mossack Fonseca created 214,000 shell companies for individuals who wanted to keep their identities hidden. Behind the shell companies hid at least 140 politicians and public officials, including 12 government leaders and 33 individuals or companies who were blacklisted or on sanction lists by the United States government for offences like trafficking and terrorism
  • Teodorín Obiang’s Instagram account celebrates #LuxuryLiving, showing off his mansions, million dollars’ worth of Michael Jackson memorabilia and supercars. However, Obiang funds this lifestyle by embezzling funds from Equatorial Guinea where he serves as vice president to his own father.
  • The indictments on 27 May 2015 of nine current and former Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA) officials on charges of racketeering and money-laundering changed the sporting landscape overnight. Suddenly a system of “rampant, systemic and deep-rooted corruption” was brought starkly into global focus.
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