Marlon King – coming to terms with his life choices (in Zambia)

Marlon King has served three jail sentences, and has a number of other criminal convictions including: theft from a person and from a car, criminal damage, and attempting to obtain property by deception; fraudulent use of vehicle licence document, driving without insurance, speeding, drink driving; a wounding incident while playing amateur football, and two cases involving assault of young women rejecting his advances in the Soho area of London.

King’s footballing career started at Dulwich Utd and he then joined Barnet as a trainee. There’s not a lot about his early life available online – but it seems the guy had issues with his mummy.

His criminality begins in 1997, in Dulwich he chokes a guy and gets arrested during a match (must be the wounding incident), gets taken to the police station and then goes back to punch and headbutt the guy, breaking his cheekbone. For this bright idea, he receives 80 hours community service and has to pay £250 compensation.

In 1998, King made 60 appearances for Barnet in the old Division Three, scoring 14 goals. This doesn’t make him less criminally active and in 1998 he was arrested and fined £240 for two counts of theft and fraudulently using a tax disc.

King moves up the footballing divisions

From 2000 until 2004 Marlon King played for Gillingham in the old Division 1, which is the Championship now. He makes 116 appearances, scoring 67 goals.

King is playing at quite a high level of football by now but this does not stop him from being an idiot. In 2002 he was caught drink driving without insurance and was given a 9-month driving ban. 

A week later he makes an appearance at another Court charged with criminal damage and attempting to obtain property by deception. He is given 6-months probation and ordered to pay £100 compensation to the victim. Later that year he was arrested for stealing a £30,000 BMW, he was caught driving it, and got 18 months in prison. He only serves 5 months and is released on licence after a lawyer gets his sentence reduced to nine months. At this time Gillingham is still paying his full wage.

A year after the BMW incident, police officers catch him chasing two women with a belt wrapped around his hand. He is threatening them and witnesses are there but King denies the claims. He says that he doesn’t know these women although he punches and spits on one of the ladies for no apparent reason. For this he is charged with common assault and fined £1,000 .

In 2003, he signed for Nottingham Forest for £950,000. They are playing in division one which is then rebranded as the Championship. He made 57 Appearances and scored 15 goals. King struggles to win over the Nottingham Forest fans before he nets an injury time winning gold in an emotional match against West Ham United. This is the first goal after the death of Brian Clough.

King becomes an international football player

In 2004 he was called up to the Jamaican national team and made 22 appearances for them, scoring 12 goals. However, he is suspended twice for breaking curfew and breach of discipline. In March of 2005 he was sent on loan to Leeds where he did not manage to score a single goal in 9 appearances.

King is a complete dick head and really seems to dislike women. In 2005 he was in Leicester Square and was arrested after approaching a woman after he was told that he could not stop pestering them. So, he decides to spit in her face, for no apparent reason. He was convicted for threatening behaviour and received a £300 fine and has to pay £500 compensation to the victim.

In 2005 he was loaned to Watford and he is quite a success as a football player. He managed to score 37 goals in 87 appearances for them. He also has one season in the Premier League before Watford are relegated again to the Championship.

King actually managed to score on his debut in the Premier League with a goal against West Ham United in the second game of the new season. His second Premier League goal was his 100th goal in domestic competitions. However he got quite a serious injury and was out for 6-months before managing to score in the final two games of the season to bring his tally to 4.

In 2006, he was banned from the Jamaican national team again for breaking curfew. He seems to like a cheeky night out, as does our Marlon King. Because Jamaica did not have many world-class or even decent football players at the time he was reinstated into the Jamaican national team in 2007 after a change in management.

King then bounced about a few different clubs including Wigan, Hull and Middlesbrough. But, we don’t really want to be speaking about his footballing career anymore. His criminality and, what seems to be a hatred for women, comes to the forefront again.

King’s only fight with a man

In November 2008, King  fights Dean Windass in a casino. This fight leads King to stick the head on Windass – there is blood everywhere and King starts to shout abuse at the staff and he is asked to leave the casino at 4:30 a.m. Dean decides to get a taxi home from the team hotel and leaves a good tip according to the taxi driver.

In December of 2008 was in a nightclub in Soho, it is quite a fancy club. He approached a 20 year old lady. She is only 5-ft tall and quite petite. King decides to grope her and grab her bum. Emily tells him to f*** off and King goes away for about 10 minutes or so. He then returns to touch her some more and uses the line “do you know who I am?”. This is the biggest w****** line of all time. He then pulls her hair and punches her in the face, breaks her nose. King decides to send over a friend to apologise but he decides to blame her and say that she provoked the attack. Bouncers ask to leave and he says no and claims that he has done nothing wrong. He is then arrested on December 10th and released on bail. King denies the charges even after shouting, “Don’t you know who I am!”

Phil Brown is the manager of Hull at the time and comes out in support of King and decides to tell the press that the club will stand by him. But, a month later King’s contract is terminated by Hull after he falls out with Phil Brown, about the only man left in Britain who has a good word to say about him.

2009 and King tries to delay his trial till the year later so he can play football. The judge tells him to f*** off. There were so many witnesses at the trial and he’s convicted of causing actual bodily harm and sexual assault. The judge tells King that he has not shown a single hint of shame. He also tells him that it will cost him so much money but the judge cannot feel sorry for him because, well basically, he is a bit of a dick-head. He gets an 18 months sentence.

King becomes a registered sex offender

Not only does King received quite a hefty jail sentence he then has to register as a sex offender for 7 years, has to pay court costs of £18,000 and £3,125 in compensation. This is really not all that much for a professional athlete.

King – “I’m not to trying to paint myself as an angel but I’m no sex beast – it’s ludacris to say I hate women”. No, you just punch women in the face you filthy f****** animal.

On a very specific date in April 2010, King decides to convert Islam. He has found religion. He will only speak to Muslim inmates and insists on being called Abu Hamza Tarif. He prays five times a day and demands halal meat – this is quite a common trick because that guarantees better meat in prison. A week before he converts he gets absolutely leathered in jail… Maybe it turns out that he just wanted to join one of the ‘teams’.

King vows to fight tooth and nail to get off the sex offenders list and upon release from jail his former manager Aidy Boothroyd invites him to train with Coventry to try and regain some fitness. After impressing during training in Coventry become involved in lengthy contract talks, which took almost 2 months to sort out. King then signed a one-year deal and finished the season as the club top scorer with 13 goals and was awarded the player of the year.

He moved to Birmingham City in 2011-12 scoring 32 goals in 79 appearances. With his Coventry contract about to expire, Kings reportedly verbally agreed the new deal with the club. However, on the 10th of June, he signed a three year contract with Birmingham City. It is wholly unsurprising that Marlon King is not a man of his word. He tends to use his fists – and even then it is normally to punch a lady in the face.

King retired from international football in 2012 after, unsurprisingly, getting another ban for missing a curfew. He then decides to unretire in April 2013… this guy is a massive dick head.

On April 26th of 2013, which is King’s 34 birthday, he is out driving a Porsche getting some ice cream and manages to cause a 3 car pile-up. An off-duty policeman sees the whole thing – King is driving at 60 mph in a 30 mph zone. He is weaving in and out of traffic before causing a crash. This image makes me laugh for some reason – as if he got out of his Porsche, just covered in ice cream. King tried to blame the other drivers then f**** off, running away, and then comes back to pretend that he is helping…  but tells everyone that  will listen that it was not his fault

King plays football for another couple of years with some different clubs and in 2014 he goes to court, pleads guilty and gets 18 months in prison and a driving ban for 3 years. In September of that year, King appealed for a shorter sentence and then just moved to Zambia.

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