Ask Patrons… see how it goes and give them time to think of anything they might want to add before we go on to the FanFic…
I work at subway, and if someone is rude to me, I give them the ends of the tomatoes.
I sign up my boss’s work email at porn sites.
i had a drunk guy wake me up and try to fight me one night in a hostel. i was cleaning up in the morning and he was asleep on the couch. i took his flip flops and put them in the lost property.
When I was 10, we had to paint birds for art, I was pretty good at art but a girl copied my exact one, even though we had to do different ones and I was not pleased. So while we were cleaning up paint brushes, (the painted birds were placed nearby), I put her painting in the sink with the tap running, pretended it accidentally fell in there and walked away like nothing happened. I think she got the message.
When I was in high school I went on vacation with family and bought my then girlfriend earrings to surprise her with when i got back. I came back to her introducing me to her new boyfriend and me subsequently being kicked to the curb. 2 years later we got to talking over facebook and I initiated a booty call. Afterwords, She told me she had feelings for me again and i responded with “cool, i’m late for dinner, talk to you later” BEST MASHED POTATOES EVER
One time my brother ate my last popsicle, and I was really pissed off about it so I waited until he was in the shower and took all of the towels out of the bathroom and hid them. He was all wet and there was NOTHING he could do about it. Myeheheheheheh!
It was my first day back in my 3rd grade class after being out sick for nearly a week with the stomach flu. I started feeling sick during story time after lunch and raised my hand to ask to go to the bathroom. The teacher told me to put my hand down, and shushed me when I tried to protest. So, I just proceeded to shit all over the classroom floor, which was carpeted.
his guy I considered somewhat of a friend started dating my ex a week after we broke up. Jokes on him because I still haven’t accepted his friend request on facebook.
In kindergarten, It was my turn to pick out the book for storytime. However, the teacher forgot, and picked the kid next to me instead (I think his name was Dave). So, I screamed a lot and hit Dave in the head with a toy truck
if a customer is mean to me, i slam their coffees down. I also walk slower when doing things for them, and give them the smallest cookies.
My teacher was being a total bitch so I switched the caps on all the sharpies. I didn’t choose the thug life.
When I was in preschool, this kid Luke told the teacher I was scribbling while we were drawing. I put legos in his shoes.
I hated my old room mate with a passion. She use to think her 10 week old puppy was peeing on her pile of clean clothes. It wasn’t the puppy.
Had a coworker who would eat people’s food, even leftovers, out of the work fridge. We put cat shit in a burrito
Some asshole at a bar told me that he hated smooth adult-contemporary rock. So, I went to the jukebox and just played “Free-Falling” and “Last Dance with Mary Jane” for an hour… I literally got “Petty” Revenge.
Half-Life: Full-Life Consequences
The story introduces John Freeman as Gordon Freeman’s brother. As John is working at his office, he gets an email from Gordon informing him that “aliens and monsters were attacking his place”, therefore “aksing” him for help. After getting his computer shut down, John goes to the roof of the building where he keeps both his motorcycle and “normal people” clothes. Before going to save his brother, John vowes that “it’s time for him to live up to his family name and face full-life consequences”.
Along the way, he goes past a police officer who wants to give John a ticket. John refuses as soon as he realizes the officer is possessed by a headcrab zombie. After shooting the officer with a weapon (which he originally didn’t have), he goes “faster like the speed of sound” to protect Gordon.
He arrives at Ravenholm with writing under it saying “U SHUDNT COME HERE”. He almost leaves, but then hears screams sounding like his brother. After killing some zombies with his motorcycle, he “walks fast” and finds a “wepon”, which he kills “zombie goasts” with. The “goasts” tell John that the place they are residing is “their house”. This makes John feel sorry for them, resulting in him blowing up their house.
Afterwards, he hears more screaming from his brother. He arrives in time to see that his brother is “fighting the final boss”. John aides Gordon by shooting bullets at the monster’s eye. Gordon defeats the “final boss” by punching it in the face.
The brothers celebrate, but it is short-lived because John detects the “next boss”. In response, Gordon tells John to “run out of here as fast as he can”. Therefore, Gordon presumably sacrifices himself by letting himself get “stepped on” by the “next boss”, angering John. John swears that he will avenge his brother by defeating the “next boss”. At that point on, the story ends, and awaits for a sequel.
The Death of Nick
The story begins with Trent stabbing Nick in the leg, leading to his untimely death. He apparently killed him with a knife, his guitar, and then his knife again. As he died, Nick called the police (which was ridiculous, given the fact he would already be dead), and Trent was arrested for first-degree murder. Gwen, Nick’s apparent girlfriend, greatly grieved over his death. Three days later, at his funeral, she and John Lennon, two of his mourners, grieve more over his death.
Meanwhile, in Heaven, Nick meets with deceased celebrities such as Dennis Hopper, who is complaining about a Super Mario movie, and Michael Jackson, who invites him to go bowling. It is apparent that bowling is another term for “thunderstorms”.
In his eighth day in Heaven, Nick suddenly has a flashback mainly involving a crude and atrocious sex scene with him and Gwen. After the scene, he wonders: “What the fuck? I am such an asshole.” He then returns to Heaven, where the story remains discontinued.
Light and Dark The Adventures of Dark Yagami
Harry Twatter and the Stone-Hard Penis
Hermione awoke to screams. She had fallen asleep in the Gryfindor Common room with her various erotic spell books splayed about all around her. “I wish I had a man” she thought to her silently. But back to the screaming. Hermione arose cautiously from her comfortable leather chair that caressed her virginal vagina just so. The screams were obviously emanating from the boys dormitory. She immediately rushed to the source of the screaming. But alas she was stopped at the door to the boys dormitory by that retarded mongoloid kid whose in all the books. You know the one. I think his name is Neville or something. He said “You can’t come in here, you don’t have a penis!” Hermione jumped on his face and suffocated Neville with her cunt muscles. She rushed into the sleeping chamber and saw a truly disturbing scene. Harry was lying spread-eagle on his bed with Ron slamming a brand new NIMBUS 3000 up Harry’s bleeding anus.
“Blimey Hermione!” Exclaimed Ron as he flushed a deep red. Actually, it was the same color as Harry’s bleeding rectum. “Didn’t see you there!”
Harry was still moaning in ecstasy, it seemed he was so focused on his bleeding anus that he didn’t see Hermione’s flabbergasted face.
Hermione finally regained her composure. “Godric’s gonads Ron! It looks like Harry will need a powerful healing spell after that ordeal!”
“Bugger Hermione!” said Ron, “I don’t think that old shit for balls Dumbledore will take kindly to Harry’s bleeding anus.”
Harry finally spoke up “Hermione, do you want to get in on this?”
Hermione winked at him. “Oh Harry, you know that I only take my broomsticks up my throbbing love tunnel.”
Ron was staring at Hermione with a dazed look on his face. Suddenly, a hippogriff crashed through the window. You may not have known it, but hippogriffs have a sixth sense for broomstick rape, and this particular one, Buckbeak, had a huge rager already.
Buckbeak was only used to mating with it’s own species, so it perched on the window and started jacking it as Harry started brooming Ron’s poopshoot. One orgasm, two orgasms, three orgasms; Buckbeak was moaning in delight. A hippogriff has a very loud call, so naturally everyone heard. In rushed in Professor MacGonagall. She stared for a second, and without saying anything, shedded off her robe AND underwear, showing off her glowing, wrinkly body. She jumped on top of Neville’s lifeless body, and she took control and pumped him on top until his dead ass came. All of the sudden, Draco Malfoy enters the room.
“Aw horsefeathers Draco,” Harry exclaimed, “even though that we are enemies, could you do me the honor of putting your old splintered broomstick inside of my stretched out asshole?”
“I LOST IT!” said Draco, and he ran out of the room.
After this happened, Ron just said, “I heard that he can’t get it up!” Everyone chuckled, then got back to their business. In walked in Hagrid, who swiftly penetrated Buckbeak, and started pumping his short (2.5″) but hard unit inside of the hippogriffs tight poohole. He jizzed with pleasure, as the hippogriff continued to squawk. It’s high pitched squawk caused the foundation of the shitty Gryffindor Common room to collapse. Nobody noticed that this “show” fell in the Quidditch stadium, RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF The MATCH BETWEEN HUFFLEPUFF AND RAVENCLAW! Practically everyone in the school were watching Harry brooming Ron, Professor MacGonagall fucking the shit out of the lifeless Neville, Hagrid giving it to Buckbeak, and Hermonie pleasuring herself rapidly. Soon everyone in the stands started to jerk it.
Everyone that is, except for Cornelius Fudgepacker. This director of the Ministrey of Magic was asexual (like matteo) so he got no pleasure from watching a boy being penetrated by a broom. Luckily Cornelius Fudgepacker had ass-cancer that he got from being a f***** and watching the production or RENT more than 0 times.
Suddenly JK Rowling landed in her private jet and announced in her annoying cockney accent (as she gripped bags of money) “As you can see I decided to take Harry Potter series in a more adult direction, I think once Harry reached his 5th year he would trust his friends enough to allow them to jam large objects up his ass. HIS PARENTS DID DIE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES VOLDEMORT ICED THOSE CUNTS. HE WAS LIKE “YOU LOOK MAD CUNTISH HARRY POTTERS PARENTS, NOW U GUNA BE GATTED BY MY WAND” THEN HARRY’S MOM WAS LIKE “FUCK THAT I’M GUNA DIE PROTECTING MY SON AND MY LOVE IS GUNA PROTECT THAT CUNT” AND VOLDEMORT WAS LIKE “HAHAHAH THAT SHIT IS MAD CORNY AND GAY, U ALL GUNA GET ICED. And that’s basically what happened.
Needless to say everyone was shocked. Suddenly, and without warning, that one Irish kid, his name’s Seamus O’Drinkyfights or some shit, started to clap and the entire magical world joined in including the horny hippogriff. Needless to say it was super emotional and shit, blah blah blah a lot of pirates showed up and fucked all the women.
Q & A
Ask Patrons to think of anything they want to ask while we answer these:
Blair McWhinnie – If you were a boxer/mma/wrestler, what would your walk out song be?
Sandy Mclarty – if you could come from a country based on history, culture, people etc, where would you want it to be?
Robert McMillan – Over the last couple of years there have been several occasions where I’ve been laughing out loud ridiculously at some of your content. Genuine laugh out loud moments some of them I really can’t remember. What are both of your favourite/funniest moments recording the show? Can be extended to a top 3 each if you looking for additional content.
Would You Rather?
We can ask Patrons if any of them want to participate and the ask them one each and answer ourselves:
WYR have hiccups for the rest of your life or constantly feel like you have to sneeze?
Would you rather change gender every time you sneeze or not be able to tell the difference between a muffin and a baby?
Would you rather fuck the top half of Emma Watson with the bottom part of hulk hogan, or the top half of hulk hogan with the bottom half of Emma Watson?
Cat with a human face or dog with human hands?
Fight 200 third graders or a bear with sharks for arms?
All songs exist but they are all performed by Pitbull, or only one Pitbull song exists but it’s performed by every artist with their own cover interpretation?
Would you rather be the smartest person in the world, or the dumbest. Whichever one you pick your intelligence doesn’t change, everyone else changes.
Cum every time you fart or fart every time you cum?